I'm Not Leaving

Some rambling, non-entertainment related thoughts about :::gestures wildly::::

This is essentially the TL;DR of this piece, though I hope you read it.

I'm writing this on no sleep because I was sick all night. I'm tired and feel bad and this probably won't be super coherent, but it's been stuck in my brain for a while, and I have to get it out.

I have been low-key not great since the election. I have a lot of LGBTQ friends and family, including a lot of trans people, in my life. If you read my interview with Kimberly Reed, you'll know that weighs very heavily on my mind pretty much all the time. Seeing the US Congress get back together and keep a trans woman from using the correct bathroom and then stripping healthcare from trans kids of military members just reminded me that families like mine are in the crosshairs, and that is scary.

Twitter is just an extension of any number of far-right social media platforms. Facebook is abandoning fact-checking and killing TikTok, which is basically the only platform I like. Substack is using money that people donate to me for my writing to help prop up the people whose work is in direct opposition to my family.

The “advice” is to leave. Deactivate Facebook and Instagram. Delete Twitter. Move your newsletter to somewhere that doesn't fund Nazis.

And that's not enough! Gotta leave my red state. Gotta stop talking to family members who voted for Trump. Gotta leave a church that doesn't talk about Gaza. Cut off! Remove! Excise! Delete!

And I get it. I read that horrific piece about Neil Gaiman, and even though I was never a fan, I liked Good Omens, and it sucks that I never saw the second season because now I never will. You'll never see me review any Harry Potter content because I won't support Rowling and her detestable views. So I'm not opposed to boycotts and drawing lines in the sand about what you will and won't tolerate. We all make decisions about that all the time.

I also know I can't leave everywhere. I need connection. In the early days of the pandemic, I struggled with not seeing people and not hugging people to maintain some distance. I cried pretty hard when I got the vaccination and could finally hug a non-family member for the first time.

I have built communities in both online and real-world spaces. Sometimes those communities have elements where I massively disagree and find actions in direct conflict with my well-being or the well-being of my family. But when I have needed them, they have been there.

They sent good wishes when I was in the hospital a few weeks ago and offered advice on my potential eosinophilic esophagitis diagnosis. They brought us food when we lost our son to stillbirth. They helped us move when our landlord sold our house out from under us weeks after that stillbirth. They helped us cover our rent when it increased by 30% without warning. They offered encouragement when I was concerned about losing my freelance job at the newspaper I write for. Over and over, people I vehemently disagree with have shown up in ways that have made my life better.

I worry that this sounds like some kind of “both sides” bullshit, but that's not it. Or rather, those folks aren't the “other side” that I am actually angry at. I'm angry at people who lie about transgender folks to further their journalistic careers. I'm angry at people who excuse the worst in the guy they like and hold up the worst single example they can find as a talisman for an entire race. I'm angry at people who hoard wealth, allowing people to die to add a little more to their pile. I'm angry at politicians who use minorities to make people afraid, and I'm angry at politicians who use minorities to get votes and then throw them under the bus when they don't get enough. I'm angry at a system that tells kids to go to college to get a good job, then saddles them with a level of debt that can never be repaid while also not giving them a job that provides a living wage.

I’m angry, but I’m not going to be angry at the people who are just like me - out here trying to make a life for ourselves and our families. Trying to scrape together moments of joy and make the world a little bit better for the people in our communities. Sometimes we suck at it, and sometimes we do things that hurt our communities, even if that’s not our intention. I won’t be quiet about that when it happens, but I won’t be mean because I want people to do the same for me.

So I'm not leaving, I’m not deleting, I’m not cutting off. I'm going to keep posting about movies and conducting interviews with trans creators. I'm going to keep asking us to seek out art that makes us think about uncomfortable subjects. I'm going to keep showing up as a fat, old, mouthy broad from West Virginia who loves her kids and loves her state, even when it doesn't always love its residents. I’ll argue about silly things like movies and real things like mass deportations and bathroom bans. And I’m going to find some way to do this imperfectly and authentically, and I hope kindly.