Shrinking S2, Episode 3: Letting Go of Guilt
Breakdown of the third episode of the new season of Shrinking on Apple TV+
Note: This is a SPOILER-FILLED breakdown of Shrinking Season 2, Episode 3 (Psychological Something-ism). If you care about spoilers, this is your warning to turn back! Also, this episode and this post will discuss domestic abuse. If you are experiencing abuse, you are not at fault, and help is available. If you’re able, you can call 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.
Baaaaa-ba-ba-ba-ba-baaaa! That’s the sound that plays in my head when I start writing a new post about Shrinking.
Episode 3 is yet another banger in a season that absolutely does not quit. Due to the overwhelming number of people who sent in character witness testimonies, the judge dropped charges against Grace. Jimmy and Brian struggle to define their friendship as they come back together after Tia’s death. Paul meets Julie’s husband and realizes he needs to find a new neurologist. Liz and Sean are struggling after Liz’s selfless act backfires spectacularly. And Alice goes to meet the man who killed her mom and then comes home and betrays her best friend by kissing Connor.
There are so many threads to follow in this episode that it’s hard just to pick one. So, instead, I will pick two (but really focus on one). But also, if you want to talk about anything outside of those two, hit me in the comments. I will find more time to write about any of these ideas.
The first thing I want to talk about is the confrontation between Alice and Louis. First, I love that Brett Goldstein isn’t playing another Roy Kent character (though I love Roy and wrote a whole book about Ted Lasso that you can buy here!). But more than Goldstein’s performance, I love Lukita Maxwell’s performance. She thoroughly nails the emotional beats present in the script.
She is an intelligent girl who knows she shouldn’t see Louis, but she is also a teenager. And honestly, a person. Sometimes, we just do things that we know aren’t good for us emotionally because we hope there will be some kind of cathartic release that will help us feel better. But, as we see with Alice, that often doesn’t actually help us to feel better.
And that’s backed up by some research. Rage rooms or break rooms, where you go to smash items for a set amount of time, can help you destress in the moment. However, some studies have shown that these rooms can just increase the likelihood of increased aggression in the future. So, while there can be an immediate gratification to acting out your anger, there is little long-term benefit in doing so.
I have experienced that personally when I have engaged in angry exchanges online. In the moments right when it happens, it can feel good to get that zinger off, but ultimately, it is a hollow kind of victory that usually ends with me feeling just as bad or worse.
This isn’t to say that confronting people who have hurt you is wrong or that there is never an appropriate time to feel anger. Feeling all of our emotions is healthy. Alice has legitimate reasons to feel anger toward the man whose actions caused her mother’s death. However, this kind of confrontation only hurts her further and leads her to a situation that will cause more harm.
The other story I want to talk about is what happens with Grace because that is the one that hit hard for me in this week’s episode. There is someone very close to me who spent nearly two decades in an abusive marriage, and Grace’s story has always been close to my heart because of that.
Over the years, she left many times, only to return to him repeatedly. Studies have shown that, on average, it takes women leaving an abusive partner seven times before they’re able to leave permanently. I think the writers of Shrinking did a great job showing how difficult that decision can be. Obviously, Grace’s guilt stems from pushing Donny off of a cliff, but even without that kind of situation, plenty of people experience guilt when they leave an abusive relationship.
There is the shame of not recognizing someone as an abuser. There is still a stigma attached to divorce. There is the guilt of leaving someone for whom you almost certainly had genuine feelings of affection at some point. All of these swirl together and can make it hard for you to see yourself worthy of finding something better.
In one of the most beautiful scenes in this episode, Brian brings a stack of letters to Grace’s therapy session with Jimmy. Each of them speaks to the good and kind things that Grace does for others and how it’s vital for her to show that same love to herself. The next shot is of Grace with her sister in a moving van.
I think what I love about that shot in the U-Haul is that I don’t think Grace fully believes all of what she heard. She probably still thinks that she deserves some measure of punishment for her actions. She likely still grapples with the guilt and shame of living with an abuser. She almost certainly struggles to believe all of the positive words said to her over the lies and insults that Donny piled on her. But even with those doubts, she still takes the first step to make her life better.
You might not be in that spot. Maybe you haven’t experienced an abusive partner or parent. But you have likely heard some kind of negative press about you. Some careless word spoken, some painful dig, some off-hand remark that cut. We carry those wounds more deeply than we might like to admit.
My plea to all of us, especially in these weeks prior to the US election, is to share kind words. If someone does something that you appreciate, tell them. Tell your friends how they made you smile. Tell your kids how they made you proud. Tell your partner how they made you fall a little more in love with them. Be generous with your compliments. You may be saying something that will help someone loosen their grip on the negativity they’ve internalized.
You might be helping them in their letting go.
Best joke: It’s a dark one, but when Paul says that he’s visiting Julie’s husband, Jimmy asks if they’re going to his grave. Paul retorts, “No, Jimmy, not everyone’s spouse is dead.” So awful. So hilarious.
Best cry: All of the times I’ve been listening to Angie McMahon’s Letting Go since I first watched this episode. The “it’s okay, make mistakes” refrain at the end just destroys me. I have listened to it so many times, and it makes me cry every time. (Also? If you remember in Season 1 when Liz tells Gaby that everyone wants her playlists? I just discovered that Christa Miller is one of the music supervisors for the show. WE ALL DO WANT HER PLAYLISTS!)
Who are you going to encourage to love themselves a little more this week? Let me know in the comments!