Ted Lasso Book Update
Where I'm at, plus a snippet from one of the chapters about Dr. Sharon Fieldstone
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This week kids in our area went back to school, so I guess that marks the end of the summer. As such, I figured I’d give an update on what’s going on with my Big Summer Writing Project, which is to say, writing a book based on the Ted Lasso Relationship Guide series started here!
I had to adjust my goal of having it finished this month and now hope to have the first draft finished by the end of September. Of this writing, I have 32,344 words written of the 50,000 I hope to have done. Keeping up with my real job as a piano teacher, my side job as a film critic, my other side job as a church musician, and the writing I do for fun here on this site, as well as teaching two adult kids to learn to drive over the summer and playing a lot of hours of Tears of the Kingdom, I feel like this has been some pretty decent progress.
Also? It is easy to think that this is terrible progress. Every November I watch people write 50k words in a single month and I’m hoping to have that much done in four. But I am trying to be gentle with myself and recognize that’s just not how I write and that’s okay. Not pushing myself to get All The Words out super fast is the best way for me to avoid having too many moments like this:
The book is being divided into four sections: Romantic Relationships, Friendships, Coach/Mentor Relationships, and Parent/Child Relationships. So far, I have finished 9 chapters and have about as many left (which means we’re probably going over 50,000 words, which may mean a little bit of a grind at the end of September, since I really would like to have a first draft done by the end of that month). The bulk of the work so far has been in Romance and Friendship, with nothing written yet in Parent/Child, as that’s the next round of books that I need to read.
And now that I have given you all of the bland details, I would like to share with you a section from the chapter about Ted and Dr. Sharon. This is a first draft, so not polished yet, but hey, new Ted Lasso thoughts!
Season 3 is where we really see some of the payoff from Ted’s time in therapy with Dr. Sharon, particularly as he begins to process the reality of his relationship with Michelle post divorce.
As I mentioned above, we learn in season three that Michelle has begun dating Dr. Jacob, the therapist who was working with Ted and Michelle on their marriage. There does seem to be a consensus that this is at the very least ethically muddy, if not outright unethical. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is out of Ted’s control. Jake’s ethics aside, Ted is not with Michelle anymore and her dating life isn’t up for debate.
But because of his time with Dr. Sharon, he is able to give voice to his concerns about this relationship in a healthy manner. He doesn’t tell Michelle what she can and can’t do, but he tells her about his feelings and that is growth. His willingness to tell Michelle how he is processing this news is something that he wouldn’t have done in season 2.
When Beard is sharing about his dysfunctional relationship with Jane, Higgins says that the Diamond Dogs need to talk to him about it and Ted responds by saying that no one should ever tell anyone anything bad about a relationship. You should just keep your head down and support everything.
A sign of growth for Ted is that when he feels that something could be getting in the way of his relationship with Michelle as co-parents, he addresses it. It’s not a matter of telling her what she should do, but letting her know that what she does will have an impact on the way they parent their son, and by addressing it, it’s not something that festers and makes their relationship worse and by extension, the way they parent worse.
We also see growth in the episode when Dottie comes to visit Ted in London in the penultimate episode. It is clear from the start of the episode that he is uncomfortable with her being there, and that discomfort is likely borne of the fact that they have never fully communicated about the death of Ted’s father and her husband. They have danced around that pain for decades, making it nearly impossible for them to have the kind of deep relationship that Ted might have wanted.
Dr. Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” She goes on, “Yes, we are totally exposed when we are vulnerable. Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty. And, yes, we’re taking a huge emotional risk when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. But there’s no equation where taking risks, braving uncertainty, and opening ourselves up to emotional exposure equals weakness.”
As Ted, and any of us, make the decision to pursue truth, we can see that it is an act of courage. Opening ourselves up, choosing vulnerability, choosing healing—all of these require digging deep and conjuring the bravest part of ourselves.
The show also does a good job of displaying how growth is not linear. When Michelle and Jake plan a trip to Paris, Ted loses himself a bit, asking Rebecca to hire a PI to find out what they are doing there. He is growing, yes, but he still has insecurities.
Recognizing that the path to healing winds and doubles back and sometimes drops off and gets picked up elsewhere is important to remember. And the real truth is that we are never fully healed. What happened to us remains a part of us always.
In “Braving the Wilderness,” Dr. Brown writes, “Pain will only subside when we acknowledge it and care for it. Addressing it with love and compassion would take only a minuscule percentage of the energy it takes to fight it, but approaching pain head-on is terrifying.”
One thing that can make approaching pain less terrifying is looking at it with a trusted mentor. Dr. Sharon provides that safe space for Ted to explore his pain while also providing tools for him to make healthier choices moving forward. It may require her being a tormentor at times, but with her help, Ted is freer. And if you can find a good tormentor, perhaps you can be freer as well.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!