The Ted Lasso Relationship Guide: Biscuits with the Boss or Beers with the Boo
How Ted and Rebecca overcame an abusive past to become friends
It’s hard to come out of episode 2 of this new season of Ted Lasso and not want to immediately write all the things about Roy Kent, since this was definitely an episode focused on his journey. But to be honest, I still feel like there is more that this season is going to unpack about Roy and I want to see where his story goes before I really start digging in. There also is a lot to say about Keely from last night, and someday I’m going to write about her and then never stop because she might be my favorite character on a show where I love all of the characters so much. Instead, however, I am going to focus on a smaller scene that sheds some light on the relationship between Ted and Rebecca. Plus, it features one of the best costumes Hannah Waddingham has had among some very stiff competition.
Superstar Zava is leaving his team to come play in the Premier League in London. He is being courted by several teams: Chelsea and West Ham being chief among them. Because Rupert’s team is in the running, Rebecca also wants to see if Richmond can bring him on board.
Higgins hears that things are all but wrapped up between Zava and Chelsea, but at the match between Chelsea and Richmond, Rupert shows up and Rebecca is convinced that he will be able to woo Zava to West Ham. She then tells Keely the story of how Rupert won her over. He came to the private club where Rebecca was bartending. He was married, but he asked her out anyway. When she said no, he then came back to the bar every night for six weeks, talking to her until close every night. He told her, “It doesn’t matter if you ever go out with me. It’s just worth it being here to get to know you.”
This conversation felt like it shed so much additional light on Rebecca’s reluctance to accept friendship from Ted. Of course she hired him simply to destroy the Richmond team, just to hurt Rupert. But that doesn’t explain her deep animosity toward Ted and why, at times, she seemed to want to hurt him as well. While there could be some twisted logic that would make her want to sabotage him as a coach, her attacks often felt more personal (the out of context photo of Ted and Keely and the failed hit piece by Trent Crimm).
One of the first things that Ted does when he comes to Richmond is to establish the morning ritual of biscuits with the boss. He sees his relationship with Rebecca as essential to the success of the organization, and he is relentless in pursuit of that relationship. Despite his efforts, Rebecca holds him at arms length.
Her experience with Rupert starting as an adoring fan and then becoming a cruel master helps explain her hesitancy to develop a relationship with Ted, especially since the start was so similar. She has seen how kindness can be twisted into something abusive, and her instinct is to steer clear of those types of gestures, particularly from men, as we don’t see the same hesitancy in her friendship with Keely.
When Rebecca tells Keely the story, Keely replies that there’s a fine line between romance and stalking. Rebecca experienced the worst version of “I just want to get to know you” that could happen, which results in a wariness of that kind of an approach. And ultimately, it wasn’t “biscuits with the boss” that won her over, but rather the numerous other ways that Ted showed her care and compassion. Their morning ritual became something joyful only after she realized that it wasn’t another attempt to weaken her and then exploit that weakness. Because Ted was consistent in his kindness toward Rebecca and because Rebecca chose to trust in that kindness, they were able to forge a friendship, and one that looks like it may have some strain this season.
This feels like a good lesson, especially for those of us who are extroverts. I have a tendency to want to overwhelm the people that I love by being with them. That’s something that I like, so I assume it is the same for those in my orbit. Naturally, this is not true for everyone. People have different ways that they tolerate being with people just as a personality, and then they have prior experiences that may make certain gestures of friendship seem threatening or simply uncomfortable.
I don’t think it means that you can’t approach friendship in a way that is comfortable for you. I think a lot of us are hungry for more adult friends. I just think that it’s a good idea to be willing to employ multiple tactics if you find someone resistant to what comes most easily for you.
It is also a good reminder that in the hands of an abuser, anything can be abusive and if someone has experienced an abusive relationship, they are likely to show some resistance to any overtures of friendship or romance. Their uncertainty is not a reflection on how good a person you may be, and their reaction doesn’t mean that they are incapable of a close friendship. Choosing to be gentle with both them and yourself in these situations is essential.
Have you ever had to try various strategies to form a new friendship? Have you ever experienced trepidation in a new friendship because of a past experience? What is your favorite outfit that Rebecca has worn on the show? Let me know in the comments!
The Roy focus and journey part I enjoyed. Especially the end where he talks about his career and what he wishes he could have enjoyed more. We get real core Roy and not just the “oi” shouting on the surface. This is where the show shines. The rest of it I was entertained with including the courting of the Ibrahimović inspired “Zava”