The reality of Ted Lasso and the fantasy of Jason Sudeikis
Does Sudeikis have to embody Ted Lasso for the show to be enjoyable?
Y’all, this season of Ted Lasso is going hard, and Episode 3 was a wild one. Lots of story items set up that I can’t wait to follow. First, we had a whole new villain drop with Dr. Jacob. I am still reeling over the latest development in Ted and Michelle’s relationship, but until they have their conversation, I don’t feel like I can write about that right now (and it really makes me rethink some of what I’ve already written about the two of them). Also anxious to see if the storyline between Colin and Trent Crimm goes where I fear it might, but that Leonard Cohen song at the end really has me concerned, because as I’ve mentioned before, this show doesn’t use music lightly. I loved the second Jesus Christ Superstar reference. Zava is going to be a fun one to watch, for sure. And there is the whole Rebecca and Tish storyline that feels like it could be interesting to see unfold, as well as the relationship between Keely and Shandy.
So yeah, lots happening in episode 3, but most of the relationship items felt like they had major shifts that we can’t really see in full right now, so instead, I’m going to take a break from the relationship guide and respond to the Vox article, “The fantasy of Ted Lasso and the reality of Jason Sudeikis” written by Constance Grady.
Grady’s article is definitely one worth reading. Her thesis is that the messy break up between Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis has colored how she (and presumably others) are watching Ted Lasso, precisely because Ted and Sudeikis are closely linked. When Wilde started dating Harry Styles, it seemed like things fell apart for Sudeikis a bit. Wilde was served with custody papers while she was on stage promoting “Don’t Worry Darling” at CinemaCon. There have been reports from their former nanny Erika Genaro that he threw himself under Wilde’s car to prevent her from going to see Styles, though both Sudeikis and Wilde deny these claims.
Near the end of the piece, Grady writes, “The show seems to feel certain that Ted’s model of kindness is almost always the correct approach to life, and that Ted himself is almost always right. He is never the one who needs to apologize for his conduct; other people are. If Ted Lasso’s nanny sued him for wrongful termination, you can bet it would turn out that she was part of a nefarious plot against him, not that he actually was a bad boss to her. If the masculine ideal that Ted Lasso is currently selling us is one who must always be acknowledged as morally righteous or else everyone else around him is wrong, is that an ideal that it’s always worth aspiring to?”
This is what I take umbrage with. There have absolutely been situations where Ted has apologized for his behavior. In “Make Rebecca Great Again,” right before Nate delivers his locker room roast, Ted apologizes to him for the behavior that he displayed the previous night. Behavior that was specifically brought on because Ted was upset about signing divorce papers that Michelle had delivered. In “Man City,” he apologizes to his coaching staff for not sharing the truth about his panic attacks.
Ted is called out by both Beard and Roy concerning his coaching decisions. In season 1, Beard is direct with him that winning should matter because this is a professional team and winning isn’t a bad thing. In season 2, Roy calls him out for making Jamie too soft to be an effective player. And while perhaps an apology isn’t necessary, Ted listens to what both of these people say to him and adjusts accordingly.
Additionally, I’m not sure that I believe that the ideal that Ted Lasso is selling us is one where everyone else is wrong, but rather one that models kindness and a willingness to listen to the concerns of others. Over and over in the show we see that people are willing to bring their concerns to Ted and he listens. In the most recent episode, Jamie comes to Ted and suggests that they don’t really need Zava on the team, that what they have been building already is working for them. And while Ted doesn’t agree with Jamie, he hears him out, thanks him for his willingness to share his thoughts, and encourages him to continue to be open going forward.
But how does this relate to Jason Sudeikis?
Certainly the CinemaCon situation is not great. Being a woman director is tough. Being served with custody papers even in private is nerve-wracking and embarrassing, so to have that happen on stage in front of your peers is even more so. Whether he intended for Wilde to be served in such a public manner or not doesn’t matter - it happened and she was embarrassed by it.
While that is messy and not very Ted Lasso-esque, Sudeikis apologized for it. He acknowledged that the event was important to her and that he was sorry for how that hurt her. Which does feel pretty Ted Lasso.
And that’s where things get messy for me. Is Ted Lasso supposed to be a direct corollary for Jason Sudeikis? Is Sudeikis using the show that he helped create to tell a narrative about himself that paints him as the long-suffering, exceedingly kind hero? Is he looking for props for being a more-or-less good guy through his breakup with Olivia Wilde?
I feel like this is going beyond what Sudeikis or even most fiction writers endeavor to do.
We all know the adage that you should “write what you know.” So it makes sense that Ted would be going through a separation and divorce. It makes sense that Ted echoes the person that Sudeikis would want to be as his creation. But there is a team of writers for every episode, and Sudeikis hasn’t been a head writer on a script since season 1. In fact, the majority of the episodes have been written by women, including writers Ashley Nicole Black, Phoebe Walsh, and Leann Bowen. I’m not saying that Sudeikis doesn’t have input on the overarching themes of the show, but to ascribe fine details to him ignores what others, particularly women writers are bringing to the work. Unless we are ready to say that the women writing the scripts are here solely to prop up a man’s version of how his real-life relationship difficulties are playing out.
I don’t think I am interested in making that assumption.
In 2021, Sudeikis gave an interview with GQ where he talked about the breakup. He said that he still didn’t feel like he had a full understanding of the end of their relationship and that in time, he would have more. As someone who is nearly a decade removed from her own divorce, it’s true. The person I was in the first year following that event is a far cry from the woman I am today. And the way that I understood the reasons for my divorce then are different to how I see them now. Or, if not different, certainly more nuanced. I didn’t lie about what I experienced then, but I probably didn’t tell the whole truth, simply because I couldn’t see the whole picture at the time.
Maybe if Ted Lasso was picked up now instead of in 2020, the story would be different than it is. But we can only tell the stories we’re in right now and try to tell them as honestly as we can. The Jason Sudeikis we see in interviews and in gossip columns is not who he is. It’s no more his reality than the character of Ted Lasso is who he is.
Ultimately, I have never seen Ted Lasso as being real life. I don’t think there is a locker room anywhere here or in London that looks like what we see in Richmond. And that’s okay. I don’t think the show is trying to say that this exists, but is rather asking us, “Wouldn’t it be nice if this existed?” Wouldn’t it be nice if when a man stood up to his abusive father, his former enemy would embrace him? Wouldn’t it be nice for men to be able to have a Nerf gun fight with a bunch of kids on Christmas morning? Wouldn’t it be nice for a woman to be the owner of a football club and not be constantly objectified? Wouldn’t it be nice for a couple to be able to go through a divorce and vocalize the hurts that they experienced without the other person being so defensive that they couldn’t hear that? Wouldn’t it be nice if being nice was the default?
I don’t need Jason Sudeikis to live up to the ideal of Ted Lasso. The reality of Ted Lasso is that it helps us see the world through a kinder lens. I think it’s kind of great that there’s a man in Hollywood who thinks that’s an ideal worth aspiring to. I hope that it encourages more men to that same aspiration.
I’m loving your detailed relationship breakdowns and thoughtful commentary to them.
2011-2013 was rough for both of us. I think the word rough is a disservice, honestly. But I was thinking of you yesterday because I was having some dredged up memories of my own divorce and what was happening at that time, and it often makes me remember others who were going through their own experiences.
This was the post we all needed so thanks for being brave enough to write it. I’ve also been thinking about how all the not so great press on Sudeikis is coloring my perception of him as Lasso this season. Honestly though I think it’s more to do with the way they are planting the seeds for him to go back to the US and the closing time of this show. It just feels like a slow and steady March towards a tearful goodbye and this is playing out with Ted’s latest panic attack (when he finds out about the marriage counselor and his ex) and not being there for Henry. He is distracted and not fully present Ted and I want “all in” Ted !