The Ted Lasso Relationship Guide: Apology 101

Contrasting an apology between Jamie and Keeley from season one to the one in "We'll Never Have Paris"

Despite the many nay-sayers, I am finding this season of Ted Lasso tremendously compelling. I feel like so much of the groundwork that was laid in season 1 was expanded in season 2, and season 3 is just bringing it all together in a way that is powerful and funny and genuinely impressive. I love that Succession shows us how people can remain static, particularly if there is no compelling reason to change (and being a billionaire means there are few compelling reasons to change), and Ted Lasso shows us how people can grow. I’ll probably write more about that when both shows have wrapped up, but today I just want to say that I love Ted Lasso and I think this season is going to blow us all away when it’s done.

Lots happened in last night’s episode. I want to write a whole piece just about the Pretty Woman hommage played by Keeley’s polka dot outfit (that whole scene was brilliant), and honestly, I have a lot of feelings about that whole story line. Everything with Ted and Michelle was fantastic, and Rebecca was a damn hero to everyone this episode. But what I’m going to write about today is the apology that Jamie gave to Keeley.

In season 1, episode 4 (For the Children), Jamie brings a second date to the auction without Keeley’s knowledge, hoping to stir up some jealousy from Keeley, thus driving up the price of his date. And it works, as Keeley ends up spending an exorbitant amount of money on a date with her boyfriend. 

After the auction, Keeley meets Rebecca in the restroom. Rebecca tells Keeley that Bex was Jamie’s other plus one. Keeley talks to her about dating a footballer, saying that they’re young, rich, and fit, and then Rebecca asks, “What about accountable?” She agrees that everyone makes mistakes, but taking responsibility is what matters. 

Later, Jamie approaches Keeley and says that he’s sorry, but when Keeley asks what he’s sorry for, he doesn’t have an answer, at which point Keeley dumps him. (See the clip below.)

Keeley offers some of the best apologies in the series. One of my favorites is after the dinner with Rebecca when Keeley tried to use Rebecca as a way to push Roy toward the sportscaster job. They are having a normal conversation, and she apologizes for being manipulative. She doesn’t make a whole production out of it, she simply acknowledges that she was wrong and tells Roy that she’s sorry about it. It’s a beautiful example of how to apologize.

Jamie, on the other hand, spent most of the first season being decidedly unapologetic about everything. He would say “sorry” to people to smooth over the immediate interaction, but he did it without any change or even really believing that he did anything wrong. He was Jamie Tartt. He was the most important person so whatever he did must be the correct thing.

Contrast that with this week. A genuinely sorry Jamie shows up at Keeley’s house, tells her how the video must have been accessed, and apologizes. All of that after he demanded that his teammates delete any nudes they have on their devices of any exes. He does the action first and then he goes and apologizes.

He didn’t leak the video and he didn’t keep it for any kind of malicious or gross reason. He forgot he had it and he had poor security on the email where it existed. It was just a mistake, the kind of thing that would be easy to pass over because it wasn’t intentional.

But Jamie has grown so much since season one. Coming back to the team last season, he had to practice some level of humility, and that, combined with Ted’s encouragement, has helped him grow into a man who sees the people around him and cares about them. 

We have seen it this season in his relationship with Roy. He wanted to be better than Zava, so he started training more with Roy, but when Zava left and Jamie was once again the best player, he didn’t stop his additional training. When Roy kept him from a night off with the team, he didn’t complain (much), but instead he found a way to make it entertaining for both of them.

I think that’s what is interesting. Accountability is just another way of talking about responsibility, and I think much of what Ted Lasso shows us (and what I believe) is that we have a responsibility to each other. A responsibility to try to make people’s lives better, not worse. A responsibility to try to see the best in one another. A responsibility to choose kindness whenever we can. A responsibility to look honestly at our choices and see how they affect others. 

Jamie realized that this leak had hurt Keeley without her telling him that it had. He realized that he was the source, even if indirectly, of this pain. He realized that he couldn’t undo what had been done, so he went to her and apologized. It is a powerful lesson in accountability. And one that he learned from the woman herself.