The Ted Lasso Relationship Guide: Sam's Haircut

How Ted Lasso showcases positive masculinity

With the full trailer drop for season 3 and the news that we’re now less than two weeks away from new episodes (insert “screaming with joy” sounds here), I want to focus a bit on the last line of the trailer. Sam says, “I love you all so very much,” and the team echoes it back as their rallying cry. This wasn’t always the case with the team, so let’s examine the relationships the Richmond team is developing in its ranks, through the lens of the scene where Isaac gives Sam a haircut for his blind date.

Sam Obisanya has been using the dating app Bantr - one that is all about texting with no pictures. He has been chatting with one woman for a while and eventually suggests that they should meet. She doesn’t reply to his message for days, but when he says that he will be at a particular restaurant and he hopes she will join him, she agrees. 

When he receives this news, he asks Isaac McAdoo, the team captain, if he will give him a haircut. It is revealed that Isaac is a genius with the clippers, but he will only give one haircut per person each season, so it is important that the men make wise decisions about when they ask for their haircuts. When his teammates express skepticism at Sam’s choice to use his for a blind date, Sam says that he believes this could be something special. The team then gathers to watch, cheering both for Isaac and for Sam.

I love this scene because it shows how these young men have come together. They care about Sam’s dating life, they care about how he looks, they care about supporting one of their own. Jamie and Sam have a terrible relationship at the beginning of the show, and that is healed over the course of season 2. Now, Jamie is part of the scene, making sure the cape is attached safely and quieting Jan Maas when he continues to interrupt with his questions. 

This scene show us a rejection of toxic masculinity. 

Toxic masculinity is often characterized by things like domination, homophobia, and aggression. However, because it is not well defined, some may feel like any displays of traditional masculinity are considered toxic. Do you like to hunt or fish? Would you feel uncomfortable painting your fingernails or wearing a pink shirt? Well, you must be toxic. This misunderstanding is unfortunate, because I think it keeps men trapped in particular modes of thinking that might actually be harmful, simply because they have a more traditional approach to masculinity.

One of the things that I love about this show is that it gives us so many examples of masculinity without toxicity, that when something harmful shows up, it is much more clear because it is in the context of so much healthy masculinity.

I haven’t talked about it much, but the music in the show is incredibly important to setting the tone of the scenes. During the haircut scene, we hear the gospel song “Down By the Riverside,” performed by Mahalia Jackson. It is a song about choosing peace over war. We see a room full of men cheering on something as simple as a haircut while the words, “Gonna lay down my sword and shield - I ain’t gonna study war no more,” are swirling around them. It honors the blackness of Sam and Isaac while highlighting the unity of the team beyond the pitch.

One of the biggest criticisms of season 1 was how white the show was. While there were black players on the team, the show focused almost exclusively on the stories of the white characters, with Dani Rojas and Nate Shelley being two of the only non-white characters to get much screen time. Season 2 made some efforts to correct that, giving Sam a significant story arc and highlighting Isaac a good bit more as the team captain.

But this scene in particular was quite lovely. The black barber shop is a place of deep value to the black community. It’s a place that allowed black men and women to have financial success, but also as a place where people could go to discuss community events, social issues, and generally serve as a sanctuary from white supremacy. 

By setting this in a pseudo barbershop and using music that rejects the posture of war and barbarism, we are shown a masculinity of equality and acceptance. 

And that brings me back to the new trailer. Rather than the typical rallying cry of superiority or dominance, we are given an expression of sincere affection, and it works. We watch a black man speak the words “I love you all so very much” and hear that echoed back by a chorus of men, and it feels deeply natural and wholly masculine.

Next week I’m finally going to be talking about Nate. The trailer makes me think that he’s going to get a lot of time devoted to his story, so I think it’s time we finally talk about him as we mentally prepare to head back to Nelson Road for another (final?) season. 

In the meantime, what are some other examples of non-toxic masculinity that you admire? Let me know in the comments!