The Ted Lasso Relationship Guide: Jamie Tartt Breaking the Curse
Are you listening to your critics or your supporters?
The relationships in Ted Lasso drive most of the plot for this show. There is very little action that happens, most of the show is about how interactions between people shape who they become. Today I want to talk about star player Jamie Tartt and one of the first moments we see what drives his character in the first season.
In the episode “Two Aces,” Jamie is smarting because he was benched in the previous episode, despite being Richmond’s best player. He refuses to train until Dani Rojas shows up and looks like he might take Jamie’s place. That is, until Rojas is struck by the curse of the training room and looks like he might be out for the season.
Ted decides that the team needs to get together and each sacrifice something of value to break the curse. Everyone in the organization except Jamie arrives in the training room with some piece of memorabilia or sentimental tchotchke that they will burn. They tell their stories and add their item to the barrel. As they are wrapping up, Jamie finally shows up, bringing with him a pair of cleats that his mom gave him. He talks about how she didn’t care how he played, she just wanted him to be happy.
But when Jamie started excelling, his dad jumped in, pushing him, never satisfied with what Jamie was doing. Jamie says, “I made a vow to be so tough that he could never call me soft again.” He then goes on to ask himself, “I wonder if sometimes I forget about making her proud. I don’t think she would be lately.”
Up to this point in the show, Jamie has been a thorn in Ted’s side. He refuses to participate in what Ted is trying to build in the Richmond organization. He bullies Nate, he ignores the coaches, he treats Keeley with contempt, he degrades his teammates. He is a fairly unlikable guy.
This scene is the first time we get a look at who Jamie could be and what has caused him to be something else for so long.
We don’t actually see Jamie’s dad until the end of the season. Jamie is the reason why his team won the game, but his dad screams at him for making a pass instead of taking the goal himself. It is a brutal moment in what is largely a season where people treat one another with kindness, or if not kindness, not outright abuse.
Brene Brown has done extensive work in the field of shame and the way that it warps our sense of self-worth. Yes, it may motivate a change in behavior in the very short term, but if we want someone to change for the long haul, it cannot be through a diet of shame. In her book “Daring Greatly,” Brown defines shame as “...the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
Jamie puts himself outside of the team through most of the first half of the season. We don’t see him trying to build relationships with any of the guys on the team. He isn’t interested in participating in any of the ways that Ted is trying to build a sense of community in the organization. He rejects most honest overtures of friendship.
But we also see how he wants to belong somewhere. He has his lackeys in Colin and Isaac. When Keeley dumps him, he immediately hooks up with someone else because, “How long’s a man meant to be alone? What am I supposed to do, shower by myself?”
Jamie has been so caught up in trying to get his father to ease up on his constant shame dumping that he has eliminated any sense of vulnerability from his personality, thinking that makes him “soft.” But vulnerability isn’t softness or weakness.
Again from “Daring Greatly,” Brown writes, “Our rejection of vulnerability often stems from our associating it with dark emotions like fear, shame, grief, sadness, and disappointment – emotions that we don’t want to discuss, even when they profoundly affect the way we live, love, work, and even lead. What most of us fail to understand and what took me a decade of research to learn is that vulnerability is also the cradle of the emotions and experiences that we crave. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
One thing I have found about practicing vulnerability is that it requires letting go of the voice of the critic. (Is it ironic to be writing that as a critic? Alanis Morrisette ruined my ability to know what is and isn’t ironic.)
For many of us, listening to the words of the people who punch us down is easier than listening to the voice of those who lift us up. When we spend our energy trying to please the person who cannot be made happy, we inevitably end up being a less honest version of ourselves, which leads to being a less happy version of ourselves, which leads to being yet another person who hits down to at least feel better than somebody. And the cycle of pain continues.
In this scene, Jamie begins to realize that he has been listening to the wrong voice. He has been prioritizing the words of his abusive father over his supportive mother. It’s the first time we see a glimpse of a better Jamie Tartt. Not just on the field, but in his life.
Are you tempted to listen to the negative voices in your life over the positive ones? What do you think might happen if you chose to prioritize the people who matter most to you instead of the people who just want to cause pain?