Shrinking S2, Episode 8: Forcing Forgiveness
Breakdown of the eighth episode of the new season of Shrinking on Apple TV+
Note: As per usual, this is a post filled with spoilers for episode 8 of Shrinking. You can find my previous breakdowns here: Episodes 1-2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episodes 5-6, Episode 7. Now, let’s get into it!
As I mentioned last week, “The Last Drink” is my favorite episode of this season. I think the added context from the opening scene beautifully sets up the rest of the season. We get a much clearer sense of who these characters were before we met them. The first time I watched the episode, I had to pause after the opening scene because it was just way too much to take in and I was fully wrecked.
I also love Paul’s storyline in this. The realization that his meds are losing their efficacy combined with the understanding that he is going to be forced into some lifestyle changes is significant. And I appreciate that he recognizes that sharing that final drink with Jimmy is part of Jimmy’s healing. It shows him, without saying anything, that Paul loves him and trusts him and will be there for him in the difficult times. Their friendship is an interesting one on the show, and that was a tender moment.
But what I really want to write about this week are the two instances of forgiveness. The first between Derek and Liz, and the second between Jimmy and Louis.
Derek and Liz
First, I want to say how much I love the conversation that happens between Gaby and Derek. I love that she was willing to speak to him both as a friend and as a therapist and that both are able to acknowledge that Liz is completely in the wrong. When Gaby tells Derek that these kinds of things rarely happen in a vacuum, she doesn’t use that as a cudgel to make Derek forgive Liz. She asks him to think about the broader context of their relationship and what circumstances might have escalated Liz’s behavior, but when he asks how it became his fault, Gaby quickly assures him that he is not to blame for what Liz did.
The writers on Shrinking certainly make his understanding easier by having Derek visit Mac first. Derek isn’t a guy who wants to hold a grudge, and seeing some of the ways that Mac made Liz feel special allowed him to further recognize the ways that she was reaching out to him and he missed those opportunities to help. He has the ability to make someone feel better simply by looking them in the eyes and telling them everything will be okay, but he didn’t do that for Liz. Spending time with Mac was his first step in understanding that before he connected with Gaby about it.
One of the things that struck me is that Liz has such a hard exterior, showing vulnerability is hard for her and she doesn’t do that for her husband, though she is able to show that a bit more with Mac. Sometimes when people are labeled as strong or resilient, there is a tendency to need to be that, even when that’s not how you feel. Liz could have been more forthright with her struggle, but as the person who holds it together, she may have felt like even that statement was a big reach.
I imagine there will be some who disapprove of Derek choosing to forgive Liz that fast, and I do think that it’s important to take the time you need if you experience a betrayal to actually work through your feelings. But this is also a couple that has been together for years and sometimes you find understanding that you didn’t know you had when you know someone that intimately.
In last week’s episode, Derek said that he thought the two of them were solid. I think this week shows that, at their core, they are. That doesn’t mean that there can’t be moments when things shift, but the foundation is strong enough to withstand the headwinds.
Jimmy and Louis
Unlike Derek, who made a choice to forgive Liz, but had the support to take as long as he needed, Jimmy agreed to forgive Louis simply to appease his daughter. He didn’t really take time to think about it or to analyze how he felt. Alice told him that she thought he should forgive Louis because that was what helped her and she thought he should do the same.
Jimmy’s choice to forgive was made out of obligation and from a place of guilt. We see early in the episode that he completely failed Alice in the time directly following Tia’s death. That guilt informs almost every interaction he has with her, and in this case, he agrees to forgive Louis simply because she asked him to, not because he had any actual intention of considering what forgiveness might look like.
That shows when he goes to visit Louis. He offers forgiveness, but it comes with a condition, and it’s a condition that undercuts the forgiveness. Instead of this forgiveness freeing either Jimmy or Louis, it puts both of them further into isolation because it requires both of them to lie to Alice.
I absolutely believe that Jimmy wants to forgive Louis. He knows that something is wrong and that to get unstuck something has to change, and seeing how forgiving Louis changed something in Alice may make him think that it can fix him, too.
Unfortunately, I think this is how a lot of us approach forgiveness. It’s a chore, an obligation, or even something that we see as a quick fix. If I forgive, I don’t have to think about this thing ever again. Forgiveness becomes a kind of “get out of jail free” card, where the jail is our emotional state.
The thing is, forgiveness can do that. We see that to some degree with Derek and Liz. The two of them are drawn closer together through Derek’s act of forgiveness. But it was something Derek chose, not something that he was forced to do. He knew that he had support if that wasn’t the route that he went and he knew that the two of them would have support if he did. That knowing was crucial to his ability to make that decision.
The benefits of forgiveness are lovely. I talk about that in my book about Ted Lasso. But they are also only benefits when forgiveness is offered with an open heart. Taking time to forgive - to think about what it means to you, to think about how it will affect your relationship going forward, to think about why it is the best course - that is when the benefits can really assert themselves.
Best joke: The bear clap. Both times. Absolutely perfect.
Best cry: The whole opening sequence. Haven’t cried this much in the opening of something since Up.
Have you ever rushed forgiveness? On the opposite side, have you found forgiveness to be beneficial to you?